Pose, and my own mother

I watch a lot of TV shows, and so due to that and a few other factors i have to go through shows slowly. Pose recently had its season finale,but i am still slowly catching up. I had gotten to the Mothers Day episode,which i had rad about being quite emotional. But even with that,i wasn’t prepared for how hard the storyline with Blanca and her mom would hit me.

Those who know me,know ever since coming out to my mom things have been difficult. Not to say things were perfect between us before, but things definitely went to a whole different level after that. Initially things got pretty bad, and while things have calmed down a little it still isn’t back to the way it was. Evey so often i’ll be reminded she truly doesn’t accept me being bi yet.

In the storyline with Blanca,through dialogue and a flashback we learn Blanca’s mom never accepted her being trans,and that Blanca was never able to reconcile with her mother before she died. And i couldn’t help but think of me and my own mom,and my fear that i won’t be able to find peace with her regarding my sexuality.

Another factor in this is that professionally i’ve hit something of a stumbling block. While i currently do have a movie theater job, i’ve been trying to get into production assistant work on films sets and such. Unfortunately i’ve been rather unsuccessful, and while i am trying to keep at it i keep feeling like im trying to push through a brick wall. Add to this my hair routine ended up being more costly then i anticipated, and i’ve dealt with some stressful financial problems.

And i keep feeling like this lack of professional progress just makes things with my mom worse. And i just keep getting scared that i won’t ever be able to get my mom to feel truly proud of me. And that episode just brought that out of me,and i had to stop myself from crying during certain points in the episode

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